House in Progress Diary

Geez...Bees

Today was a little more, um, organized.

So we are moving the furniture into the right rooms but...ugh. It is unbelievable to be so dirty ALL OF THE TIME! Dave the Cat snuck onto the second floor today and came down happily two hours later with black paws. Fine, except his paws are usually snow white.

Have you ever tried to wash a cat's paws when they are unwilling? It is like trying to shake hands with a slot machine over an extended period of time. That arm just keeps shooting back.

Today we experienced a lesson in evolution...or devolution...homeowner style. It goes like this:

Trapping the live raccoons scared away the squirrels living above the front porch. Because raccoons are meat eaters and the squirrels were trying not to be lunch. So, A, brave husband, buys thick wire grating and heads up a rickety ladder we found in the garage to fasten it into place. Holding it into place for him, I watch every rung of this ladder, wondering how long it's been in garage and picturing in my head how I will catch a husband who is 1 foot taller than I am (and much more muscular and heavy) before he hits the sidewalk. I'm doing word problems in my head

A 6'7" husband traveling unexpectedly down a vertical wooden ladder which is 14 feet high, while gripping a staple gun...

Meanwhile, things are getting hairy for A up above. Because now that the squirrels have been gone for 48 hours, a family of bumblebees has decided to supplant them, just one more step down the food chain. We need to get that wire up and bumblebees are notoriously slower than their wasp or yellow jacket cousins, so...coaching him with gentle words of support, I hand up a fly swatter and tell him to "jes' knock 'em down if they get too close."

To our neighbors, it must have looked and sounded like this:

"Honey, you've got one at 12 'clock if you want to swat it."
"Where? Where? That one?"
"Oh wait, no. That's the second one."
"Whamo! Got him!"
"Wow...he really hit the sidewalk."
"Is he still alive?"
"Woozy, but he's hanging on."
"What?! So step on him!"
"Oh yuck. okay, wait. Don't sting me...and...okay he's a goner. How's that wire going?"
"Just hold the ladder..."
"Okay, but take your time. Make it look like a neat job. That's across from J and K's bedroom window..."
"It's as neat as a squirrel will need it to be...whoa! These bees are in the squirrels nest! What part of the food chain are we on now??!"
(I'm laughing, can't breathe) "Honey, when the primordial ooze starts coming out of the hole, you'll know you're near the end."
"Ooze? This swatter and spray wouldn't do a thing to ooze!"
"The spray can says that stuff will KILL SCORPIONS...I think ooze will not be a problem."
"Wham! Got two more!"
"How's that mesh coming?"

Posted by jeanne on June 23, 2003 at 12:33 AM