The highs and the lows home improvement
It is 3:00 am. I cannot sleep. I stay up and read a book that I had chosen in an airport (where? Minneapolis?) when I was desperate for some distraction.
We had 1500+ books here when we moved in. With hundreds left, I had held back the most intriguing titles--this strange and unexpected out-of-print library--for "gobbling up" at night. I cannot resist these authors.
This current book is not from the library...it is called "An Unexpected Light: Travels in Afghanistan" by Jason Elliot. It is an amazing story which is playing a cruel game of catch with my emotions...first, this quote from St. Exupery:
On ne voit bien qu'avec le coeur
L'essential est invisible par les yeux
(One sees truly only with the heart
The essential is hidden from the eye.)
The two faces in the photograph last night, I do not recognize them, although are labeled as my husband and me. At 3:00 am, I do not feel the faith in this house that I see behind their eyes only 5 hours ago.
So I wander through the living room, shivering under an old blanket. Proper heat is our challenge this season. So many walls and ceilings open. We would roast in summer if we tried this or freeze now. Robert Frost is in my head. And the cat has just been discovered sitting on the table and drinking from my warm milk. Bad kitty! I just give up and pour some of the rest in his bowl before making another mug.
I pass the bulletin board in the kitchen that we put up that first week in the house. Our idea board. Our vision. My blurry eyes focus on this picture.
I want to welcome a friend into our clean house and sit them in this chair by the fireplace. I want to bring them a drink and laugh with them about what we found behind the fireplace boards when we took them down. (What will we find? Who knows.) And sit in this chair and watch my future children open their holiday stockings. Or curl up here and read a book quietly.
But that corner will only exist if we make it exist. So, I pull the blanket more tightly around me and return to bed. The cat goes off to prowl on his own. And it snows outside of my window.
(2)
Looking for More?
| Search for more on 'insomnia' on this site. |
| Search for 'insomnia' on on other houseblogs like this one. |
| Search for 'insomnia' on Google. |
| Search for 'insomnia' on Amazon.com. |
Cabinet Refacing:
Face Your Kitchen | Your Guide to Kitchen Cabinet Refacing |
Comments
I absolutely loved *An Unexpected Light*! One of my favorite reads of the past few years. If you liked it, I'd also suggest *Reading Lolita in Tehran,* which is equally wrenching, and equally fabulous, if not more so.
You're going to be so proud of this house and all your work when you're finished. What's six months--or even a couple of years--compared to a lifetime?
Posted by: tully monster | January 4, 2004 11:45 PM
Tully--Thanks so much. Since I committed to writing as many thoughts down as possible, I did put this in even though I'm not always down on the house. Just some times :) 3:00 am is an espcially dark time of the night. This past weekend we DID get a lot done and, if we can get the bath on the first floor done this month, we are going to feel pretty happy. Running water! Baths! Whoo hoo!
Posted by: jmo | January 5, 2004 10:56 AM