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Free money? Really?

It is amazing, with a weblog and email address that is so public, how many people PER DAY write from a foreign country to tell you that they have an uncollected inheritance that YOU can get a cut of if you just provide a little personal information. Like your SS#. Or your bank account numbers.

We are contacted by an average of 3-4 princes, princesses, businesspeople, damsels in distress, colonels, generals and such of said country per day. We could be ZILLIONAIRES!!!

Are ALL folks who maintain weblogs this lucky? Or is it just us? Wait! Another one just came in! Continue....

DEAR SIR (sir?),

FIRST, I MUST SOLICIT YOUR CONFIDENCE IN THIS TRANSACTION;THIS IS BY VIRTUE OF ITS NATURE AS BEING UTTERLY CONFIDENTIAL AND TOP SECRET.THOUGH I KNOW THAT A TRANSACTION OF THIS MAGNITUDE WILL MAKE ANY ONE APPREHENSIVE AND WORRIED,BUT I AM ASSURING YOU THAT ALL WILL BE WELL AT THE END OF THE DAY.

(Translation: I am here to scam you, please don't tell anyone because, well! This is incredibly big stuff. But I assure you that my day will be made if I succeed in getting you to buy this incredulous story.)

WE HAVE DECIDED TO CONTACT YOU DUE TO THE URGENCY OF THIS
TRANSACTION, AS WE HAVE BEEN RELIABLY INFORMED OF YOUR DISCRETNESS AND ABILITY IN TRANSACTION OF THIS NATURE.

(Translation: Since you use this email address to participate in some forums and it is on the front of your web page, we think you are the perfect person to be gullible enough to fall for this. Man, it took you long time to figure out the "o w n e r (at) h o u s e i n p r o g r e s s . n e t" trick that could foil our internet search team! Therefore, we know you may not have heard of THESE scams because you obviously WAY behind the times.)

LET ME START BY INTRODUCING MYSELF PROPERLY TO YOU.I AM MR.KONAL
OXFORD, CREDIT OFFICER WITH THE UNION BANK OF NIGERIA PLC, LAGOS. I CAME TO KNOW YOU IN MY PRIVATE SEARCH FOR A RELIABLE AND REPUTABLE PERSON TO HANDLE THIS CONFIDENTIAL TRANSACTION,WHICH INVOLVES THE TRANSFER OF HUGE SUM OF MONEY TO A FOREIGN ACCOUNT REQUIRING MAXIMUM CONFIDENCE.

(Translation: You can just call me Ox. I will be your scammer this evening, you will be my "scammie". I will praise you, although I have no idea who you are, because I am hoping that flattery and the words "HUGE SUM OF MONEY" will have you throwing your better judgement out of the window.)

THE PROPOSITION:

A FOREIGNER AN AMERICAN,LATE ENGR JOHN CREEK (SNR) AN OIL MERCHANT WITH THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT OF NIGERIA,UNTIL HIS DEATH IN KENYA AIR BUS (A310-300) FLIGHT KQ430,BANKED WITH US AT UNION BANK OF NIGERIA PLC LAGOS AND HAD A CLOSING BALANCE AS AT THE END OF JANUARY,2000 WORTH USD25, 000,000.00 (TWENTY FIVE MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLAR),THE BANK NOW EXPECTS A NEXT OF KIN AS BENEFICIARY. VALUABLE EFFORTS ARE BEING MADE BY THE UNION BANK OF NIGERIA TO GET IN TOUCH WITH ANY OF THE CREEK'S FAMILY OR RELATIVES BUT TO NO SUCCESS.

(Translation: An American! An American! That should make it okay, right? And, golly, OIL MONEY. Also makes my story very trustworthy. He was an engineer but no one seems to know this mystery guy. Quelle tragédie! But we did do our best to locate someone and you believe us, right?)

IT IS BECAUSE OF THE PERCEIVED POSSIBILITY OF NOT BEING ABLE TO LOCATE ANY OF LATE ENGR.JOHN CREEK(SNR)'S NEXT OF KIN (HE HAD NO WIFE OR CHILDREN THAT IS KNOWN TO US).THE MANAGEMENT UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF OUR CHAIRMAN AND MEMBERS OF THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS, THAT ARANGE HAS BEEN MADE FOR THE FUND TO BE DECLEARED "UNCLAINMED" AND SUBSEQUENTLY BE DONATED TO THE TRUST FUND FOR ARMS AND AMMUNITION TO FURTHER ENHANCE THE COURSE OF WAR IN AFRICA AND THE WORLD IN GENERAL.

(Translation: I am now getting so excited at the prospect of scamming you that I am misspelling words...and, I can't seem to shut off my CAPS LOCK key so it seems as if I am shouting. But I AM SO EXCITED! CAN YOU FEEL IT? You may not know of this "little arms trust fund" but, believe you me, it is SO scary! War! For the world! They want to use this money for sharks with laser beams on their heads! You don't want THAT, do you?)

IN ORDER TO AVERT THIS NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT, SOME OF MY TRUSTED
COLLEAGUES AND I NOW SEEK YOUR PERMISSION TO HAVE YOU STAND AS NEXT OF KIN TO LATE ENGR. JOHN CREEK(SNR) SO THAT THE FUND USD25 MILLION WILL BE RELEASED AND PAID INTO YOUR ACCOUNT AS THE BENEFICIARY'S NEXT OF KIN. ALL DOCUMENTS AND PROVES TO ENABLE YOU GET THIS FUND WILL BE CAREFULLY WORKED OUT.

(Translation: We don't want sharks either. WE would spend that money much more wisely. Like, on ourselves! Don't ask too many questions about how. But we promise YOU, no sharks. We've picked you at random hoping you are just the kind of very silly person who would believe all of this. Trust us....T R U S T U S.....you are getting very sleepy....)

WE HAVE SECURE FROM THE PROBATE AN ORDER OF MADAMUS TO LOCATE ANY OF DECEASED BENEFICIARIES,AND MORE SO WE ARE ASSURING YOU THAT THIS BUSINESS IS 100% RISK FREE INVOLVEMENT.YOUR SHARE STAYS WHILE THE REST BE FOR MYSELF AND MY COLLEAGUES FOR INVESTMENT PURPOSE.

(Translation: See? "Probate." "Madamus." "Beneficiaries." We're legit all right. Will anything happen to you? No, silly! If we happen to get caught---but we won't. We won't! Because Moe and Curly have this plan... you'd be off the hook! 'cept maybe for being in the FBI's Files of Gullible people, some stories on TV about how you trusted people you didn't know out of goofiness, and, well, some of your friends may laugh at you. But that won't happen to YOU, hoo boy, NO! 'Cause you're smart to get in on the ground floor of this fabulous opportunity.)

ACCORDING TO AGGREMENT WITHIN BOTH PARTIES AS SOON AS WE RECIEVE AN ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF RECEIPT OF THIS MESSAGE IN ACCEPTANCE OF OUR MUTUAL BUSINESS PROPOSAL,WE WOULD FURNISH YOU WITH THE NECCESSARY MODALITIES AND DISBURSEMENT RATIO TO SUITE BOTH PARTIES WITHOUT ANY CONFLICT.

(Translation: So, okay. Just hit that "reply" button and you'll know exactly how much cash we're willing to fork over to you. You get some cash! And we'll be furnish your place with some awfully nice modalities...the kind no one should be without! It's THAT easy!)

IF THIS PROPOSAL IS ACCEPTABLE BY YOU DO NOT MAKE UNDUE ADVANTAGE OF THE TRUST WE HAVE BESTOWED IN YOU AND YOUR COMPANY,THEN KINDLY GET TO ME IMMEDIATELY VIA MY E-MAIL:konox@xxxxxxx.xxx

(Translation: If you're willing to go along with this, don't call the cops, like, okay? Gee, you're nice. Have I ever told you that?)

PLEASE FURNISH ME WITH YOUR MOST CONFIDENTIAL TELEPHONE,FAX NUMBERS SO THAT I CAN USE THIS INFORMATION TO APPLY FOR THE RELEASE AND SUBSEQUENT TRANSFER OF THE FUND IN YOUR FAVOUR.

(Translation: We need to start stalking you in earnest. So please send us your phone and fax numbers. Don't tell your spouse! Or your boss. Or that nosy Mrs. Kravitz next door. Because we're going to be sending you quite a tidy bundle of change and we don't want those "hangers on" to see a single penny! Especially your cousin, Francis. What did he ever do for you? It's just you and us and money, bay-bee. And no sharks with laser beams.)

THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR YOUR ANTICIPATED CO-ORPORATION.

(Translation: You're gonna do this, right? Right? 'Cause it's been slow this week and I need a live one...)

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

MR. KONAL OXFORD
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(By the way, should YOU get one of these funky notes, just delete it. Sigh. Nothing in life is free. This house has taught us that, absolutely. It's extracted in money, time or the sweat of your brow. Ack.)

Posted by jeanne on January 15, 2004 at 4:03 PM (4)

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