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The 12 Months of an OLD HOUSE Christmas

Here at HouseInProgress--home to the strange and whackaloon--we offer you this little musical number composed during an afternoon of breathing more rubber cement fumes than can be good for you. We give you...

The Twelve MONTHS of an OLD HOUSE Christmas
aka "The Priority Song"

(Sung to the tune of "Twelve Days of Christmas")

January

For the 1st MONTH AFTER Christmas, while sweeping up debris,
I sighed, "...We really should take down that Christmas tree."

February

For the 2nd MONTH AFTER Christmas, my OLD HOUSE gave to me...
...two broken doorknobs, and
"Seriously, Hon? Let's take down the Christmas tree."

March

For the 3rd MONTH AFTER Christmas, my OLD HOUSE gave to me...
...three blown fuses,
two broken doorknobs, and
"Dear? We now have a 'fire hazard' tree."

April

For the 4th MONTH AFTER Christmas, my OLD HOUSE gave to me...
...four creaky floorboards,
three blown fuses,
two broken doorknobs, and
"I guess this can be our Easter tree."

May

For the 5th MONTH AFTER Christmas, my OLD HOUSE gave to me...

FIVE! BANGING! RADIATORS!

...four creaky floorboards,
three blown fuses,
two broken doorknobs, and
"We know. We have to pitch the Christmas tree."

(Okay...we're almost halfway there!)

June

For the 6th MONTH AFTER Christmas, my OLD HOUSE gave to me...
...six mice a-squeakin',
FIVE! BANGING! RADIATORS!
Four creaky floorboards,
three blown fuses,
two broken doorknobs, and
"At least there's no more needles on the tree."

July

For the 7th MONTH AFTER Christmas, my OLD HOUSE gave to me...
...seven roof tiles missing,
six mice a-squeakin',
FIVE! BANGING! RADIATORS!
Four creaky floorboards,
three blown fuses,
two broken doorknobs, and
"Hey! Prop up that corner with the tree."

August

For the 8th MONTH AFTER Christmas, my OLD HOUSE gave to me...
...eight pipes a-leakin',
seven roof tiles missing,
six mice a-squeakin',
FIVE! BANGING! RADIATORS!
Four creaky floorboards,
three blown fuses,
two broken doorknobs, and
"Your hat? I hung it on the Christmas tree."

September

For the 9th MONTH AFTER Christmas, my OLD HOUSE gave to me...
...nine doors to strip paint from,
eight pipes a-leakin',
seven roof tiles missing,
six mice a-squeakin',
FIVE! BANGING! RADIATORS!
Four creaky floorboards,
three blown fuses,
two broken doorknobs, and
"Mom, it's Arbor Day and a tree's a tree."

October

For the 10th MONTH AFTER Christmas, my OLD HOUSE gave to me...
...ten sill replacements,
nine doors to strip paint from,
eight pipes a-leakin',
seven roof tiles missing,
six mice a-squeakin',
FIVE! BANGING! RADIATORS!
Four creaky floorboards,
three blown fuses,
two broken doorknobs, and
"You know, just throw a sheet over the tree..."

November

For the 11th MONTH AFTER Christmas, my OLD HOUSE gave to me...
...eleven sistered floor joists,
ten sill replacements,
nine doors to strip paint from,
eight pipes a-leakin',
seven roof tiles missing,
six mice a-squeakin',
FIVE! BANGING! RADIATORS!
Four creaky floorboards,
three blown fuses,
two broken doorknobs, and
"A tree? Where? I don't really see a tree."

(Big FINISH! Sing it loud, people!)

December

For the 12th MONTH AFTER Christmas, my OLD HOUSE gave to me...
...twelve trips to Lowe's hardware,
eleven sistered floor joists,
ten sill replacements,
nine doors to strip paint from,
eight pipes a-leakin',
seven roof tiles missing,
six mice a-squeakin',
FIVE! BANGING! RADIATORS!
Four creaky floorboards,
three blown fuses,
two broken doorknobs, and
"Oh, whatever. Just re-trim the stupid tree."

Posted by jeanne on December 29, 2004 at 6:04 AM (4)

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