House in Progress Diary

I can relate to your frustration.

My son is 8 months old and I'm JUST beginning to get some things done.

Once he was able to sit up by himself, he was much happier. I can put him in a box (or laundry basket) with some toys, and he's happy for as long as 45 minutes at a stretch - as long as he's in the same room with me. He isn't crawling yet, so I'm trying to take advantage of the of this time in his life to get a few things done.

Assign yourself one large project that you can do a little at a time and some little projects that you can complete in one nap-time. You have so much to do, it can seem overwhelming.

As hard as it may be, allow yourself to work at a much slower pace - as you now have a baby, just keep thinking "baby steps" and work accordingly. You won't get things done as quickly as you might like, but you will be grateful in years to come that you slowed your pace to take advantage of enjoying Grace's infancy (in all its gas-filled and spit-upped wonder).

Let me preface my remarks by saying that yes, I can relate to your frustration, and that my son is 4 years old.
I have spent many days and nights, especially in the first few years of my son's life, feeling frustrated about the projects that I can't get done because I have to spend time taking care of him.
Over the past year I have started to relax a bit and realize that my child is only 2 years old, or 3 years old, or 13 months old, for a short amount of time and that my renovation projects are going to wait around for me for years and years and years. What I'm trying to say is that babies and small children have a sweetness to them (when they're not crying from gas or teeth or throwing up on you) that is so fleeting. The baseboard will wait to be refinished, but you have to take advantage of every minute you have with your child because they do grow up so fast (something I scoffed at before I had my own).
Maybe you need to temporarily reprioritize, or at least be more realistic about what you can get done, for the first few years at least.
Good luck! It can be hard to adjust to juggling the demands, time demands and emotional demands, of motherhood and home ownership/renovatorship.

Since she was born we have had Deborah's parents watch Elizabeth two days a week. Otherwise nothing would get done. You are better off getting stuff done now while baby will sleep through it. After she is 1 year old she will demand ALL of your attention until she can be left to play by herself for a little bit after she is 2 1/2.
You can do what most folks do. Wait until she leaves for college before doing any more remodelling!

It's definitely a challenge. I think the key is determining the things than can be done with the child in close proximity and the things that can't. Obviously things with flying sawdust, banging nails, or fumes are best done while loving grandparents are on babysitter duty. Less messy projects can be accomplished by having her hang out in a Pack'n'Play while you work. And, while the two of you have been tag-teaming the remodeling, it may be time to split the workload and take turns with both baby and tools. Good luck!

Oh boy do I feel your pain! We have a 5 week old and are also renovating a sadly neglected house. Thankfully for us, the majority of the big projects are already done. I'm glad now that I tiled our kitchen floor when I was 7 months pregnant because I could never get that done now!

As far as getting anything done and containing the baby goes, I find that the snuggly works pretty good because I can keep my hands free, but a friend just told me that she made her own baby sling from a pattern she found online. She swears that her baby likes it much better, and it's easier on her back than the snuggly. So, making a baby sling is now on my list of projects!

But...this is not a perfect solution by any strech of the imagination. Sometimes my husband comes home from work to both me and the baby crying in frustration! I just try to tell myself that these days aren't going to last forever. Soon I will be able to cross things off my to do list again.

Containing the dust and debris is a whole other ball game. I have no helpful hints there!

Take care and have fun.

oh, i'm no mommy but i agree with marie in st. paul. stop and just enjoy the moment. its okay to slow down and indulge in grace while she's still a baby. the house will still be there when you get back to it. so go ahead and kickback for another three hours in that upstairs sanctuary you worked so hard on and enjoy the fruits of that labor.

The first 3 months are going to be the hardest. It depends on the child too though. I don't think I did anything on the house the first couple of months that we moved in when Seth was a couple months old. Once he started sleeping through the night, and was on a regular schedule, it was a lot easier. It's still hard for both of us to work at the same time, the 6 y.o. is more demanding than the 2 y.o. They go to bed early, so evenings are a good time to get things done. And then taking turns on the weekend.

Well, I'm not a "mom," but when we had our first "fixer upper" and our first child, I was a stay-at-home dad who worked on our house during the day and went to law school at night. Two more kids, and a huge "new" (we're in our sixth year)project later, I have a few suggestions:

1. Lower expectations on what you can accomplish and concentrate on one manageable project at a time. (I like to check off boxes which give me a sense of accomplishment).

2. Get your rest--if you are exhausted, home improvement becomes an incredible exercise in futility--so if that means skipping some time to take a nap so be it...But sleep deprivation is cumulative...so you need to make sure you are getting some down time too.

3. Bring the baby along--This may sound worse than it was, but I used to put the baby in a front pack, and do my business--well not that kind of business, but house business...So long as it was something like painting, yard work, etc, where I wouldn't put the baby in jeopardy...FWIW, my son, loved being in the front pack and seemed to enjoy hangin' with pop.

4. Tag team/baby time: For those big projects, I would schedule time with the wife so baby, wife, and dog would all be out of the house so I could get the big/messy stuff done...(and have it cleaned up, before they got home--even if I had to stop half way through it). This would work both ways--if my wife had a big project, I'd be out with the kid and the dog.

5. Bring in help when you can afford it: Raising children, in the grand scheme of things, is really a limited period of time. I wrestled (and still do) about time spent on the house vs. time with my children. I'm constantly asking myself, "If I died today, what would I be proudest about--working on the house or spending time with my family...." and then the priority becomes clear. BUT, I completely understand the feeling that you want your house done SOONER rather than LATER. So, after much deliberation, I have been bringing in more and more help...especially with those projects that I don't enjoy/or are sooo overwhelmingly big.

6. Schedule friends and family to help out with baby sitting (when Grace gets a little older) for longer stretches of time so you and Aaron can spend some time working on the house...On a few occasions, we schedule a "week" (vacation from work) and my MIL to help watch the kid during the day while we worked 8 hours a day on the house...It helps to get things done, plus you get some additonal "bonding" with the spousal unit--we DIY'ers are sick.

Those are my suggestions. However, I hope that I don't sound like a "know-it-all" cuz I still have many occasions of wanting to poke my eyes out because I seem to half-ass too many things because I trying to accomplish, well, too many things...With three small children and our second "restoration" project nearly complete I cans say this: I'm done with old house projects (at least until my kids grow up, buy their own dump, and need Pop to help out). I want some of my time being spent doing other things...(see my post titled "Love and Hate, but Mostly Love")

Best of luck...Juggling all of these things is not easy...

Patrick

We have a 3.5 year old and a 15-month old. The lifestyle change after the first one and again after the second one is unbelievable. It's a GOOD lifestyle change, but it is a significant one, perhaps the most significant I've ever had (and that includes settling down).

All the suggestions above are good ones for getting over your current "hump", but be prepared for many more "humps" to come. The long-and-short of it is that you really don't have "free time/project time" any more. The daily demands of life fill up 99% of the day, and carving out more than that for a project takes a lot of planning and work. Everytime you think you've reached an equilibrium, something new comes along (an illness, teething, you tried a new brand of yogurt that leads to gas pains, etc.) and sleep schedules fall by the wayside and so do your chances to get anything done.

Our older child is a pretty good sleeper, so late at night, naptime, and trading off watching the baby worked well for modest-scoped projects for the first year or two. However, the introduction of the second child really upset even that limited window of "free/project time". Even if both children take regular, daily naps, the chances of them overlapping is next to nil, in my experience.

One way to reprioritize is to think about the value of time. I used to think having a maid was the height of extravagence. Now I think of it as the cost of spending Saturday morning with my children (as opposed to time spent cleaning the house). At that price, $30 bucks a week is money well spent.

Do the same with projects. How much does it cost to do it yourself (time & money) vs. hiring someone (money). If the cost of hiring someone is less than the value of the time lost with the child, then hire them and enjoy your limited time with your child.

To put it another way, the new priority list:
1) Child
2) Spouse
3) There is no #3.

--Eric

I have a 14 month old and an old bungalow we are completely revamping upstairs. I feel your pain. It can be quite difficult to adjust to the new little one in your life and continue on the home renovation with the zeal you once had. But that doesn't mean that it stops altogether either. I agree with others that you have to take projects and break them up into smaller more manageable goals. This helps your sanity by not becoming frustrated with not completing the project and understand that there is a chance that you still may be distrupted in mid-stream...and that this is ok. The first couple months were the hardest for us and honestly the projects came to a standstill...but by 4 months when we were getting more of a hang of this whole parenting thing it became much easier. We've begun the upheavel again upstairs...but we're taking it in pieces. It takes a bit longer since we have to clean up drywall dust, tools, etc each time we end for the day..but it is worth it. We are moving forward slowly and as the small projects are completed we begin to feel more a sense of normalcy in our lives. What is life without the hardware store? I think the kid thinks Home Depot is his second home! Also, remember when you begin to get frustrated with the numerous projects that are sitting around uncompleted and the continuing chaos in your life...that its ok to step back, take a break and just enjoy the newest addition to your family. It's hard striking a balance between parenthood and home renovation...but you can do it! Don't let anyone tell you that it will stop because you have a kid. It will just become a bit more of an adventure and it may take a bit longer.
****
Also a note on the gas issue...if you don't mind giving your little one over the counter medicine...my pediatrician recommended Mycelon Gas Drops to us when our little guy was having gas issues. The times he had monterous gas pains,it did wonders.

I'm a mom of a 13 year old and a 10 year old, and I am still having problems renovating my house with kids! : ) No good advice on the time/juggling/management issue, but get yourself some Mylecon drops-- they are a miracle.

Wow! Some really great feedback!

Having three of my own...13, 11 and 4 (all homeschooled)... I speak from experience when I say this one thing in particular ~ they want to know that they are your first and very best priority. If you assure them that they are by giving them the time and attention they seek, they will, in turn, give you back moments of freedom to do what you want; namely, work on the house. They must feel secure that you want to spend more time with them than with the house (which they see causes us so much anguish at times). If you are constantly putting them off (or, in your case, putting them down), they come to realize that you're more interested in something that means absolutely nothing to them! They will, of course, retaliate!! ;) Relax about the renovations. They'll get done. Soak up every moment with your precious gift...she'll be in Kindergarten before you know it!

Fondly,
Maria

a battery operated swing helps a great deal as well... that way they can be in the same room and see you, and be moving without having to be in your arms all the time! also family lending a hand either with the house or the kid... my sister helped with the electrical when i couldn't. the time will come when leetle grace is on a schedule and sleeping mostly through the night and then you'll be okay. o no, here they come!

From your commement about gas I take it she is a litle colicly (sp) I lived thru it with my second one. the things tha worked for us where walking her put her in your arms facing forward so that your arm is on her tummy use your other hand to hold her head and place some pressure on her tummy, and walk walk from the front of the house to the back of the house, but keep movement going. If you are nursing avoid cows milk, chocolate, and gas causeing foods. My daugher ended up being allergic to milk. If worse comes to worse we had some purple medicince from her dr four drops as needed. My daugher is now 21 so it has been a while but i still remember how it was. Not fun, if you can schedule it take a walk outside with out her i know my dauther it made me feel so helpless. Oh another thing that the babysitter did hat worked was a roll of toliet paper on her tummy, you hold her against your upper chest ad put the roll of tp between her and you pressure helps. one thing to remember is it is only for the first four months or so then they get better. Take care and good luck with the baby. She is beautiful. Norma

Though not renovating, but still having to get stuff done around the house, I found that turning into a "National Geographic" mama helped a lot when my daughter was little (She is now almost 3 and I can't believe she can be in a room all by herself reading to her dolls..) Both my husband and I carried her in the maya-wrap and it left both my arms and hands free. Sometimes she would nurse while I did dishes or folded laundry, heck even pay bills. Once she was as sleep, it was pretty easy to slip myself out of the wrap and leave her in it on the bed. The idea of "wearing your baby" so popular among "attachment parenting" I think could be helpful in your situation. Besides helping you get things done, it is a great way for your daughter to bond with you and her father. Best of luck and I am still impressed by all you have done and continue to do. Perhaps the best advice I can give you is to be a little easier on yourself!

We were renovating 1880s farmhouse when triplets came to live with us. The children, having a wide variety of "special needs" caused all house work to grind to a swift halt. It was all I/we could do to keep them safe, try to meet their needs, & feed ourselves. We learned to develop "tunnel vision" and cut ourselves a lot of slack. Ultimately, I quit working, rather quickly. Meeting with foster workers & adoption workers took waaaay to much time to work, combined with getting our children what they needed.
We could not use baby sitters or relatives for the first five years or so due to our kids attachment disorders, so we had literally no time to work on the house. What we ended up doing was moving into a more complete house, with much easier daily uptake, & having dh and all our friends help out on our century old albatross, whenever they could. We had to do this; once kids are mobile, it's amazing how quickly they can get into anything they shouldn't. You can imagine what 3 at once can do. It was like living inside a pichinko machine, with the balls flying everywhere. : }
Eventually, the house was finished; it is beautiful, a true gem. It took far longer, after our emergency placements, but who cares. The house got done, the kids got raised, and most importantly, they remember their childhood with joy. They all treasure the memories of times they got to help dh or myself with small projects, and took great pride in those renovations. It gave them a true sense of competency, sorely lacking before. Plus, they learned many useful skills. Seeing us demonstrate patience taught them patience, seeing us defer doing what we wanted helped them learn to not need immediate results, seeing us sacrifice taught them about giving. It all heightened their sense of responsibility, and gave them a work ethic.
Do we wish we hadn't had to struggle so much financially due to 1 income, 2 house payments, 3 kids endless needs? Sure, but ya do what ya gotta do. Money did get very tight, I got very clever improvising, & dh & myself went for over 10 years without ever spending more than the occasional $. 49 (a Kwik cup refill) on ourselves, seriously. In time, it all works out. These days are precious. Cherish them. They pass in a blur, but they were the sweetest days in our lives.
Now, of course, we are immersed in yet another renovation another house, but that's a whole 'nother story. We'll be praying for you.
Barbara

You've received a lot of good advice so I don't know if my two cents will help, but here it goes.

My daughter screamed and cried for 5-6 hours a night seven days a week. It finally ended at 13 weeks one day. Her problem was terrible GERD. She is now 4 and is still on prevacid. However, she is very happy.

What I found is that what worked for one day or two didn't work on the third day - so don't be surprised if your little one changes daily on you.

What did work was the blow dryer. I don't know why. But I would turn the blow dryer on and hand it on the closet door while I held her. She would stop crying. So I brought the blow dryer everywhere I went.

For some reason, Charlotte Church also calmed her. One day she was singing on TV and my daughter stopped crying on a dime.

AS for the house. GEt a sitter. Someone. You need the break and both of you will be happier. She will be happier when she knows that you are happier.

Finally, some people will disagree, here it goes: I hated the first three months. It was miserable. I always loved my daughter and I held out hope that it would get better - and it did. But don't feel that you must love every minute of the first three months. For some of us, it was just terrible.

Good luck.

Cali is right on the money. The first three months are the worst. Once Grace's sleeping patterns form, you'll be good to go. Our little guy (now 17 months old) was sleeping three proper naps a day (about 1 1/2 hours each) at practically three months and one day. It was literally the day I returned to work, making me think that if all it took was me going back to work to get him to sleep through the night... I'd have gone back earlier! Once Grace has a good napping schedule, you'll have larger blocks of time to work with. My husband stayed home with our son during weeks 13-24 and he was able to renovate our kitchen (hang new cabinets, get countertop installed, install new lighting)while our baby took naps. And, as other people above mentioned, larger blocks of time can be captured on weekends by one parent taking complete care of the baby and the other focusing on the renovation. Exhausting for everyone involved, but it does get you that much closer to completion.

I've got 2 preschoolers and an old farmhouse with an unfinished dormer upstairs - believe me, I feel ya. It took me a while, but I've gotten philosophical about getting things done in their own time and not stressing about it. My kids are only little for a short time. I don't want to miss a minute of it to stress over sweating pipes or stuffing insulation. About once a month I try to clear a weekend to work on our projects. Other than that I stay in my shoes. Enjoy it while you can!

You are getting plenty of supportive comments and great advice. I've got a 10 month old and a 5.5 year old. The older daughter was very colicky and we had a trying 5 months but then she became the sweetest kid ever. The best trick for her was LOUD static on the TV or radio (anything that was white noise) Daughter #2 showed some early signs of trouble, and my husband bought the book "The happiest baby on the block" by Dr. Karp. He confirmed the benefits of white noise to calm, but also has several other ideas that in concert calmed our daughter. You'll get through it!! I have to say I'm glad our baby is thorugh it now since we are embarking on a new "house in progress." We've outgrown our 1922 2-bedroom bungalow in SE Minneapolis (just a couple of blocks from the pictures you posted after your trip up here) and bought a 1931 Tudor/bungalow that we are signing on for a pile of "real" work (adding a bathroom upstairs, finishing an attic). It will be fun!

Our second was born three days after the water went on in our kitchen and fortunately that ended the main floor renovations but I can offer a little help in the sleep department. Have you heard of the book BabyWise? It is a HUGE help! It can really help getting the baby to sleep for better naps which begin to fall into a clear pattern (yes, even at this early age) and can help get your baby to sleep through the night around eight weeks. Everyone I know who has tried has had great success- and me personally twice. Good luck!

i second (or third, i lost track) the baby swing. when my 16 year old was a baby, we lived in a 3 room fixer upper, and the living room was also her bedroom. we got through quite a few home improvement chores thanks to the baby swing, though in those days, you had to stop and wind it up every few minutes (battery-operated ones were a luxury then). that was a good thing, actually, because it would give you the opportunity to make some faces and conversation with the baby while you were winding.

We are living through the same situation. We have a 2yr old and a 2 month old. I've given up on getting any substantial work done at the moment. Fortunately both of our parents live in the area which is really helpful. I am pretty much waiting for the weather to get a little bit better so on the weekends my wife or I can take the kids out for hours at a time and one of us can stay home and get some work done or catch up on some much needed sleep!