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Good Tree Hunting

This year, we have no living room again and all of our furniture is squeezed into a tiny, claustrophobic space in order to accommodate various power tools in the space where the living room will be.

Therefore, no tree for us again this year. We will be enjoying the fabulous tree efforts of others.

AJ and Lenore invited us to help them select their special Christmas tree at a tree farm outside of Chicago, so we all caravaned up to the Richardson Tree Farm in Spring Grove to go tree hunting.

This was my first time ever hunting Christmas trees in the wild. Usually, I choose them from icy parking lots closer to home where my kind--the kind who doesn't do cold weather hiking--simply points a gloved hand at a tree and proclaims, "That one." Someone else bags it up and hauls it to the top of the car.

I suppose that this is the hunting equivalent of shooting fish in a barrel, but if shooting said fish gets me out of freezing my toes, so be it. I am a wimp when it comes to cold weather. If they would show up at my house with trees and I could select them from my window? Or choose one online and have it delivered? I would be all for that. Especially if I could be holding a cup of hot cider during the tree selection and warming my bottom at the fireplace.

And now my adventurous sister-in-law, Kjerstin, who lives in Alaska ALL YEAR ROUND may commence laughing at me. She is way tougher than I will ever be. She actually goes out in the freezing cold FOR NO REASON AT ALL except to hike around.

So how does one hunt for a tree? Here is AJ receiving instructions from The Tree Master about where these wild trees are to be found today.

Over in that direction? Blue spruce, Balsam Fir, Douglas Fir. And over there? You got yer Scotch Pine, Norway Spruce, White Pine. Okay, go bag a tree. And let's be careful out there.

They give you a wide selection of weapons with which to stalk your tree. Just out in the open there, unsupervised, for any toddler or axe murderer or axe murderer toddler to borrow.

AJ is enjoying this a little too much. He is making the rest of us nervous.

Then they load us up on wagons pulled by tractors, which makes me feel a little exposed. Shouldn't there be a heated bus or something?

In this photo, Aaron is trying to get me to believe that there is a giant Douglas Fir coming at me from behind waving a hacksaw. I'm not falling for it. I'm more worried about the Bears and Greenbay Packers fans who are eyeing us suspiciously.

As we are leaving the relative safety of the barn, we see other hunters returning who have already bagged their prey. They look okay, but in reality? Six of them went out to hunt. Four of them have returned. You do the math.

Soon, we were surrounded by 'em. Murderous Christmas trees everywhere. It was them or us.

Grace contemplates the remains of someone else's kill. Aaron tells her that some trees have been taken up in the Christmas Tree rapture, while others have been left behind. I tell him to cut it out.

"Watch out, AJ! There is a tree behind you! Kill it!" yells Grace. Or, in toddler talk, >"Twee! Twee!"

AJ lets me deal the final blow. I'm psyched about using the hacksaw, less psyched about lying on the icy ground.

The tree slain, AJ drags it back to the waiting tractor to be tagged and wrapped and tossed onto the car. We are victorious!!!

And Grace and her mommy claim their free hot chocolate inside of the warm barn before making the long trip home. Where mommy will have to explain, yet again, why little girls aren't allowed to play with hacksaws.

Posted by jeanne on December 3, 2007 at 10:01 AM (4)

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