The Entry About Change

Category: Daily Diary

I seem to be somewhat confused.

I am very much in the middle of hating small changes, and yet yearning for large changes. I love my blog, I hate my blog. I love my house, I hate my house. I love the holidays, I hate the holidays.

Are you sensing a pattern here? 'Cause I am.

I will admit, dear and gracious reader, to not missing this blogging thing at all. No. Nope.

Nor have I missed being in the basement mucking about or having a Christmas tree crammed into the tiny space we are currently using as a living room area. I have embraced my inner humbug.

Tonight I was tempted by the siren song of the half-knitted scarf that was languishing on my linen closet shelf. I pulled down that ball of yarn, perched myself on the couch, and began knitting and purling like a fiend. For the first time since I was 8 months pregnant. I did not want my drill, or Sawzall, or Fein. I was contented with two wooden needles and a skein of yarn while whipping up a scarf that I do not need or even want.

I also began muttering curses about this latest upgrade of Moveable Type which I am hating more and more with every blog entry that I attempt. And muttering about missing having a life where I could live in EVERY room in my abode at one time without fear of a ceiling falling down upon me. Like the big hunk of ceiling that has now fallen into the laundry room sink.

It didn't help that last night I cracked open a fortune cookie that read:

You will be living in a brand new house within a year.

Instead of thinking that this was outrageously funny, I thought it sounded like a pretty good idea.

I've had forbidden, horrible thoughts where I've yearned to be a (sssh, don't tell!) renter. I know! It's bad, I tell you.

I obviously need a change. But a new house is not in the cards. So, I'll have to think of something else. Something. Something.


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Comments

Oh, Jeanne. I am so sorry you are feeling like that. You are the total reason why I have fallen in love with house blogs. You are also the reason I finally got up the courage and started a blog of my very own -- it's a Google blog and it's called Curly's Corner. It's not about house renovation -- I am not that talented. And it is not perfect. I have to figure out how to put links (do I need permission?) to all of my favorite house blogs on it and I would love to have it linked to Houseblogs.net -- but I haven't figured out how to do those things. So, thank you, Jeanne, for your inspiration.

I wish you a new year filled with happiness, love, house projects that will be easy and not difficult, health and prosperity.

I'm feeling the exact same way. Living in two rooms of the house is really starting to get to me. I've had at least two fits of angry crying in the last week or two for no good reason, and I can't even count the number I've times I've mentioned selling the house for scrap to Don.

Change would definitely be a good thing. I think I'm going to make it a priority to start taking more weekends up in New Jersey with my family, with finished houses and cute babies and access to New York. We went weekend before last and it was startlingly relaxing -- just being able to walk around barefoot was like such a stress reliever. Sigh. Taking a holiday break from blogging has been too easy.

Knitting? For the first time since 8 months pregnant? Need a change but no new house in the cards? Something else? ...

Going out on a limb here, hope not to offend. It may be just the New Year blues, but could there be another little one on the way perhaps?

It breaks my heart to hear that, because I know exactly how you feel. We are on year 5 of our gut rehab and I cannot tell you the number of breakdowns and horrible thoughts that entered my head. In fact I had to stop writing or talking about it at all because the only thoughts I had were... I hate this I hate this I hate this, and the ever resounding, this is not what I envisioned my life to be.

I hope you find solace in whatever you can, because it's so very hard to live amongst constant chaos, especially when 'everyone else' gets a finished home, complete with free time, relaxation, and money... of which I'm sure you cannot find with your home (I'm only guessing based upon our own experiences).

I totally hear you on the love/hate feelings. We're about 95% done with the house (at least with the projects that have already been started) and I'm just sooo tired. So little energy for that last 5%. No energy to blog, not since I got pregnant. We are at least finally living in the whole house again and it's awesome! Just hang in there, it will all eventually get done. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

Honestly, I think it's just the time of year. I'm not in the midst of a renovation, but I'm feeling that itch to get my life in order, get out the annoyances, and settle into a zen-like space. Hopefully it will pass soon so I can get back to my clutter-bug existence. ;)

Honestly, I think it's just the time of year. I'm not in the midst of a renovation, but I'm feeling that itch to get my life in order, get out the annoyances, and settle into a zen-like space. Hopefully it will pass soon so I can get back to my clutter-bug existence. ;)

Jeanne, let's skip the formalities. I'm sending you a big hug and a huge bowl of chocolate ganache. Keep knitting, then eat the ganache until it's gone.

Life is like that...indecision and doubt creep up from behind and smack you when you least expect it. We wanted the "new old house" so badly, but for at least one hour every day we might feel like torching it for the strife it causes. Nothing is ever easy - so do what feels right and good for now. Knit a thousand scarves, if that's what it takes, and go for a few long, frozen Chicago walks. One morning soon, you'll feel lighter. Take care and also take a look at how many people here care about your wonderful site and all the good work you've done.

Happy New Year, Marilyn

Hmmm.... a change. How about a soak in a nice tub, a glass of wine and a good book, followed by an uninterrupted dinner while Grace goes to sleep early.

And maybe some good progress on the living room so you see that it's worth the wait and to remind you that despite the work, it is much better than renting.

It's your house and you're creating a beautiful home. Hang in there!

You know, there IS a lovely arts & crafts home in Evanston that will be up for sale shortly. Three bedrooms, fireplace for this cold winter, plenty of space. And the best part is that it doesn't need any major renovation -- unless you wish to do some updating.

:-)

I think this IS the pre-New Year's customary "Blech" response. Thanks to all you provided encouragement and comfort in the comments up there.

And Jack, I LOVE YOUR HOUSE. Would totally jump on that if I didn't have to make mortgage payments on this one. Sigh.

My solution for this time of year and feeling as you do is that all work on the house ceases as long as the Christmas decorations are still up. Of course 2 years ago, I left the tree up until March, but I digress. Anyway, I love reading all the blogs and wish I could figure out how to create one myself. It's great encouragement to know that I am not the only person that finds it entirely normal to have to duck under the conduit in the basement to get to the laundry room (for more years than I care to admit), or that I have to wash my hands in the kitchen sink instead of the bathroom and can only use the sink in the other bathroom by the bedroom, not the toilet and only very recently got back the use of my shower in the main bathroom and have one bedroom that I call the "staging area" where all the tools and other home remodeling junk, er supplies and tools are tossed into or rather kept neatly (hah!) and, well, you know how it goes.
I get frustrated and depressed at this time of year - last night (no we didn't go anywhere) I spent the evening watching comedy clips (Billy Connolly, Robin Williams, John Cleese) on YouTube and laughed until I cried. It helped, it really did. Today after shoveling the snow (I'm in Chicago too), I wished I could sit in front of my fireplace with my cup of tea, but of course, since it's not turned on (gas) and in an unfinished back porch I couldn't. But I did go out and play in the snow with my dog and that WAS FUN!
So, long story, short - find the small things that make you laugh, have fun doing ordinary things and take a break from fixing the house and it will all be right eventually.

Beth

Hooo boy. Nope! Bill, you scared me.

You don't know me but I have been reading your blog since we bought our own fixer-upper in 11/03. This entry was completely reading my mind (minus the knitting). Renting sounds like a dream on some days. Other days I dream of the crappy condo we had before the house. On some days I even think about the suburbs. I hope you know you guys get ten times more done than we do plus you blog it. In short - You Rock!

Hi, Jeanne,
I was in a similar funk last summer. So many unfinished projects and even one I thought was finished came back to haunt me with water problems. Then, I went on a local house tour of some "finished" arts & crafts houses and fell in love with my house all over again. You need to step back and look at your "Before & After" section of your blog. I think that will do the trick for you. I LOVE your house!
Bonnie

Last night, the 60 mph wind gusts woke me up by rattling the bathroom window, which we should have finished months ago. There's just no excuse for not attaching the latch and doing a last coat of paint except that, we didn't do it. I laid awake feeling guilty for a while and then decided that (1) it will eventually get done and I'll like it and (2) changing your hobbies is not a capital offense. Three years of loving home remodeling and blogging is a great accomplishment and maybe it is time to turn to knitting and pogo sticking or whatever tickles your fancy. Doesn't make you a quitter, makes you a renaissance woman, I say.

Ah! The lovely winter blahs! It will get better. Yeah, yeah, easy for me to say as I'm not living in renovation heaven. :)

Knitting has been my sanity saver for years. My spinning wheel is better than Prozac. Nothing wrong with taking a break from one creative task and trying another. :D

*hugs*

I am so impressed with your project and your blog and the postive energy in both. I am amidst a house project too, and have wanted to figure out a way to record and document what I am doing, the reasons, the options, the outcome, etc. I am going nuts with the decision making, getting diverted by new ideas, and forgetting original purposes. So anyway I want to keep it all together because it consumes so many of my waking hours and resources and because when my friendes and family ask me what I am doing, and I have no "results" yet (demolition seems to impress no one), I can show them my work in words and pictures.

I am wondering, if you have a minute, if you would be kind enough to direct me toward information on getting started with the documentation process. Maybe I should just start with photos, approximately scaled drawings and journal entries. I also have a zillion clippings, pamplets, etc. to keep track of. Many thanks in advance, and I am really enjoying following along with your project. Jamie

Again, thanks all. It's getting a bit better. Especially with the unexpected warmer temps!

And Jamie, I will do my best! I'll write a few posts about houseblogging and dedicate them to you :) Look for them soon.

Nice blog here! Also your website loads up fast! What host are you using? I wish my website loaded up as fast as yours lol

Love all the opinions expressed here! How is everyone? Love how everyone expresses whatr they feel :)

I really like the colors here on your blog. did you design this yourself or did you outsource it to a professional?

This is good info! Where else can if ind out more?? Who runs this joint too? Keep up the good work :)

 

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